Live Free or Die Hard - movie review

This review will very much be stream of consciousness, so bear with me. Let's be honest here. If you were not a fan of any of the previous Die Hards, you will probably not like this movie. Personally, I loved all 3. My personal order of these films from best to worst would probably be 1, 2, 4 and then 3 (remarkable considering Samuel L. Jackson was in #3). The plot in Die Hard 4 was fine and the action was great. The thing I love most about the Die Hard films is that John McClane (Bruce Willis) actually gets injured and that somewhat impacts his abilities. Yes, this sequel was a little further out there in terms of stunts (namely, killing a helicopter with a car), but McClane did jump off the roof of Nakotomi Tower using a fire hose and then shooting out a window to avoid an explosion and get back into the building. The one thing I have noticed about each subsequent sequel in this franchise is that the world becomes larger. The first Die Hard took place at the Nakotomi building, whereas Die Harder took place at an airport, then Die Hard with a Vengeance took us throughout New York City and finally in Live Free of Die Hard, we went from New Jersey, to DC, to West Virginia and finally to Baltimore. What made the original Die Hard so great was that there was a sense of claustrophobia, which was also utilized in #2, namely with the airplanes. The action was solid, the acting sufficient for a summer blockbuster, the one liners and other dialogue were fantastic, and the cameo by Kevin Smith phenomenal.

I salute Live Free or Die Hard with 4.5 out of 6 beers.

Thursday's

Okay, so I don't know why or how, but everyone goes out on Thursday's. Its awesome. But what a terrible idea to party every Thursday. I am sitting here on Friday at work and I feel like CRAP. This is a regular occurance for me. Luckily my work provides a nice biscuit and egg breakfast on Friday's to curb my stomach pains. But what about my head?
Can someone tell me why Thursday is the best party day of the week? I dont get that! Hardly anyone goes out on Friday nights. I think this is because we all go out on Thursday's and after work Friday you feel like crashing in your bed. I feel like crashing in my bed right now actually. Ahhhh. I have done this for years, and I can't stop. Thursday's are just too fun. I couldn't even get out of bed this morning. I was an hour late for work. But its worth it.
The cheapest drinks are on Thursday nights. The coolest people go out Thursday night.
But now Friday's SUCK!

Forgive me if I dont make a lot of sense. I might still be a little drunk...

Friday Floetry -- 7/6/07

- Prepared by Brownie, but since he is in the middle of Americana sans internet access, I am posting on his behalf

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A little political tension to close out Independence Day Week, because some people definitely think there is a lot of Red with that White and Blue. Also, please note that this "author" has another bit of floetry where he actually says the words, "I love this country". Nothing Is Perfect, so please don't hate on free speech.

Friday Floetry:

Close your mind
Close your eyes
See with your heart
How do you forgive the murderer of your father?
The ink of a scholar is worth a thousand times more than the blood of a martyr

We came through the storm
Nooses on our necks and a smallpox blanket to keep us warm
On a 747 on the pentagon lawn
Wake up the alarm clock is connected to a bomb
Anthrax lab on a west Virginia farm
Shorty ain't learned to walk already heavily armed
Civilians and little children is especially harmed
Camouflaged Torahs, Bibles and glorious Qurans
The books that take you to heaven and let you meet the Lord there
Have become misinterpreted, reasons for warfare
We read 'em with blind eyes I guarantee you there's more there
The rich must be blind because they didn't see the poor there…

...It's like don't give the black man food, give red man liquor
red man fool, black man ni**a
give yellow man tool, make him railroad builda
also give him pan, make him pull gold from river
give black man crack, glocks to teens,
give red man craps, slot machines...

Taken from American Terrorist by Lupe Fiasco

Transformers - Movie Review

Transformers is one example of a movie that paid critics should just not review. It was loud, colorful, fast-paced, action-packed and had a paper thin plot, with some very average acting. But you know what, it kicked all kinds of ass. This is what a summer blockbuster is supposed to be. Michael Bay and his special effects staff deserve all kinds of kudos for making the transformations of these alien robots as seamless as can be imagined. Was this a 2.5 hour car and toy commercial? No question about it, but it really doesn't matter. I had a blast watching these robots transform into radios, jets, helicopters, semis, tanks, and cars. My biggest complaint was that while the Autobots were very colorful, the Decepticons were just all silver and it was tough to tell them apart. Some of the Autobot vs. Decepticon fighting scenes were also a little tough to follow because of the quick edits, but there is only so much these sfx guys could do. As I wrote above, the acting was average at best, but Shia LeBouf is becoming a pretty solid actor in his own right (a far cry from his annoying and unnecessary sidekick roles in Constantine and I, Robot). I cannot wait to see this puppy again.

A solid 5 out of 6 beers.

Red Door (If you love Red Door - dont read this)

I no longer go to Red Door. Here is a list why:

1. The drinks are TERRIBLE. I dont think I have ever had a good drink there.

2. The door guys always pick on someone in the group. But I have seen some scruffy people walking around in there. What is that about?

3. The music is good, but there is no dance floor, and when people create it, there is absolutley no way to move in that area.

4. Did I mention the drinks are terrible?

5. Does every guy in there have on the same outfit, haircut, and read the same body building magazine? Can I get a little bit of variety. I guess this is a good place for people who like to be around a bunch of clones. Maybe some scientists!

6. Every girl in there has fake hair, boobs, and eyelashes. My god. Put a clone with a plastic and you are just asking for boredom.

A few things that make this trip a little more comfortable.

1. The door guys are very nice to me.

2. I like the music.

3. Rarely a line.

Actually, this is all I can think of. Hmmmm!

You Know What Really Grinds My Gears ...

the following terms which have now become part of our everyday, pop culture lexicon.

(1) "Chalk" - If you watched any coverage of the NCAA basketball tourney this past March, you will have heard many commentators and "experts" using the term chalk. In essence, chalk means that the favorites win and commentators were often heard saying there is a lot of chalk in this tournament. Why does this word exist? Who invented it? If the favorites are winning, it is because there are no upsets, not because of chalk. Chalk is that thing that your elementary school teachers used to write on, get this, a chalkboard. Yes, that is chalk. What would they call it if all the underdogs won? Pencil? Pen? Magic Marker? Sharpie? Let's hope next year we see a tournament that demonstrates a lot of sharpie!

(2) "X is the next Y" - LeBron is the next MJ. Oden is the next Ewing. Random 6'10" European player with no inside game is the next Nowitski. ENOUGH!! Why can't these guys be the first whatever their name is? Why do we need to compare people from different eras? Why can we only compare white people to white people and international players with international players, etc.? Not every white guy is the next Larry Bird. There is only one Bird, just like there is only one MJ, Magic, Kareem, Barkley, LeBron, Duncan, Olajuwon. Yes, a player may have similar abilities, but no two athletes are alike. Could you imagine an analyst on CNN or Fox News saying that Fred Thompson is the next Ronald Reagan because they were both actors or saying that Mitt Romney is the next Michael Dukakis because they were both governor of Massachusetts before entering the presidential race in which they had no chance to win? I mean, seriously, do sportscasters think they smart because they say that player x is the next player y because they came from the same neighborhood and play a similar position? It is shotty journalism at the very least. This is, of course, not being told to us but being screamed at us on our television sets or on the radio and even on annoying videos that autoplay on a certain website at volumes unacceptable to listen to.

(3) "________ Porn" - I have now seen the term porn used to describe certain genres of movies. For example, Hostel II is part of the Torture Porn genre, along with its predecessor, the Saw franchise, and many other horror films where it has less to do with a Freddy Krueger or Michael Myers type slasher, but instead shows us people being tortured. The definition of porn is, according to dictionary.com, "creative activity (writing or pictures or films etc.) of no literary or artistic value other than to stimulate sexual desire." When I last checked, people watch scary movies to be scared, not to be turned on (we call those people who get turned on by seeing people killed and tortured either freaks or psychopaths or mentally deranged). What's worse is that I have now heard the new movie Transformers being part of the "Toy Porn" genre. WTF??? Will it be a 2 hour toy commercial? I will let you know after I see it tomorrow morning, but the answer is probably yes. And you know what? Who cares. Transformers were beloved toys that most people in my age group played with. And if Mattel or Hasbro (I can't remember who produced them) make a few million off kids buying their new toy transformers, more power to them. We use to call this type of movie an action movie, now apparently it is a form of pornography. Basically, these numbskulls crediting these porn names to movie genres are basically calling the Disney Store a sex shop because they sell toys that were based on movies and using Transformers as an example of Toy Porn, Walt Disney was nothing more than a smut peddler and I just refuse to believe this.

Weekend Bar Reviews

So this weekend started off with a bang. I attended a happy hour (HH) for an ex-coworker at Cafe Adobe (2111 Westhiemer). This is a classic! And I got classically drunk from all that tequila. The drinks are potent, especially when you add shots to the mix. The food is priced for what you get. And the crowd is fantastic. Don't go and expect not to meet the people around you. My only complaint is the upstairs bar is HOT if you get there at HH times. So beware, bring sunglasses and wear light clothing. It's a great central place if you get there early enough to get a table upstairs. ~4 is perfect. And try not to pass out on the toilets - yes this happened to someone Friday.

After that I had planned to make it out to Mosaic (back of Rocbar - Bayou Place - 530 Texas St.)...but somehow in my tequila'd state of mind we ended up at Whiskey Creek (WC - 2905 Travis). Everytime I go to WC it is extremely crowded. Friday was no exception. Usually its very difficult to get drinks, but I think they have recently hired more bartenders becuase I got my drinks fairly quick. I am not a huge country music fan, but here at WC it doesnt matter. They play a good enough mix of country, hip hop and pop. But dont expect to hear any dance/house at WC. (go next door to Escobar for that). The crowd is more laid back than Escobar, but not by a whole lot. Girls seem to think they are too good for any guy in the bar and the guys typically have that same ego. Hello, we are all there to have fun. If you want to do the hook up thing, go to Red Door. And I would say, the attire is trendy, although casual.

Saturday was a great night as well. We decided to do girls night (which by the way never actually happens, somehow guys always end up in the mix). So we start at Max's Wine Dive (4720 Washington Ave). Its fairly new on Washington. I love this place - its a 10! They have a great wine list and the young hosts actually know what they are talking about (most of the time). The food ranges from Rabbit to Hot Dogs (or rather Haute dogs). They bascially fancy up any old traditional plate. The prices are decent, its a little costly - but it is a wine bar. The crowd is fun too. Its not packed in to where you cant walk around with a wine glass, but its not dead by any means. And this is a place for a more mature crowd, not a whole lot of teenie weenies. But not any old farts either. And the staff makes this place so much more fun. They are flirty and funny. And they are social, they dont just do the work and smile...it seems like they actually enjoy being there. I love that!

After that we hit up Kobain (33 Waugh Dr) for a short time. This is a pretty cool place. I think of it as a good version of Red Door. The people are so much less snobby. The drinks were good and the scenery is pretty sweet. Casual and trendy dress. I think you could pretty much wear whatever you want though. We sat outside most of the time and that was nice. It has a little remnant of The Flat. Very chill vibe, but still there to meet new people.
I skipped Sunday Brunch this week becuase the weather is killing me right now. And I didnt make it to my regular Pub on Thursday, but I am sure I will soon. I have missed it.
Red Door is my least favorite place of all if you cant tell. I will write an entire blog on my issues with Red Door in the future, so look for it. :)

Movies You Should Have Seen By Now - #1

In my quest to embiggen the collective knowledge base of the world at large or in order for brilliant masterminds like myself to quote/reference a movie and have the other parties to the conversation not stare blankly at you, I have decided to write a column that will run every Monday about a movie that every person of legal age (at least 17 per MPAA standards) should have seen by now. In this column I will name the movie, give you a brief rundown of the plot and finally the key reasons why you should have seen said movie by now.

Our first movie is National Lampoon's Animal House.

This is the story of the Deltas, a fraternity at Faber College. We start out meeting our heroes, Flounder, Pinto, Bluto, Otter, Boone and Hoover, as they progress through rush week. We also meet the foils for the Deltas, namely, Neidermeyer, Chip, Greg, and Dean Wormer. Our heroes engage in some wacky hijinks, including a toga party and an Otis Day & the Knights concert, that leads to the house being placed on Double Secret Probation. The Deltas are kicked off campus, but they have the last laugh at Faber's homecoming parade.

The main reason you should have seen this by now is that it is the college experience we all either had or at least wish we had. Next, this was John Belushi in his prime and the kickoff of many great careers in the movie industry. Quite frankly, this is the quintessential teen/college movie on which all others should be judged.

Put this movie on your netflix or blockbuster queue or just get a ladder and watch it through somebody's window. [raises eyebrows twice]

Ratatouille - Movie Review

Reviewing kids' movies is generally a tough task, but Pixar has always been able to provide something special in their movies. They don't rely on random pop culture references [looks in the direction of Shrek], which I do enjoy on most occassions, as I am generally one of the few people in the theater that actually gets a majority of the jokes they throw in there [readers should bow down to my trivial knowledge in this capacity]. In Ratatouille, Brad Bird (director of the amazing The Incredibles) takes us to France where we meet a Remy, a rat who has an amazing sense of smell and a very discerning pallate (although, I saw myself identifying more with Remy's brother Emile who just scarfs down the food without caring so much about the intracacies of flavor). A downfall of many animated pictures [again, looks in the direction of Shrek] is that you see the face of the person providing the voice, whereas in Ratatouille, you only saw the characters themselves and not the voice actors. I would prefer more animated movies taking this approach as occassionally it becomes distracting.

Overall, the story was a tad simplistic, but it does send a nice message about coming to terms with who you are, figuring out your destiny and finally making it happen. There is some violence at the beginning of the movie, but overall, both kids and parents can enjoy this flick and kudos go out to Mr. Bird for continuing to produce great animated flicks, but I do implore you to start writing The Incredibles 2 as I think there is a lot of that universe to explore (namely, Frozone).

Normally my scale is out of 6 beers, but seeing as how this is more of a children's film, I bestow upon Ratatouille 5 out of 6 glasses of chocolate milk, with a splash of Kahlua for the parents in the audience.