Remakes

I don't know if this will be above or below 1000 words as I don't feel like counting, but I will discuss what makes a good remake herein. Before really getting started, remakes of movies are the most difficult movies to judge. Do you rate them by how they stack up to the original or do you simply ignore that the first one ever existed? Another major problem is what kind of movie the original one was: was the original a classic, a piece of crap or a cult classic. No matter which category the original fit into, there will be someone pissed that some filmmaker in Hollywood lacked the creativity to create a new film and instead decided to tarnish the reputation of the original in a bastardization simply to sell movie tickets (and re-releasing of the original on DVD).

First rule, don't make the exact same movie, just with different actors. Yes, I am talking about none other than the crapfest that was Gus Van Sant's remake of Psycho with Vince Vaughn and Anne Heche. Now, I have enjoyed Van Sant's other movies, especially Good Will Hunting and his cameo in Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back on the set of Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season. Further, those who know me know I am a huge Vince Vaughn fan (as will be evidenced by my forthcoming Wedding Crashers review).

I really don't know what makes a great remake. Some things work, some don't. Tim Burton has succeeded with one, but failed miserably on another. I enjoyed Charlie and the Chocolate Factory more than Willy Wonka, yet his Planet of the Apes remake was an abomination (but yes, I do own it on DVD and the ending was fun, though not as amazing as the Statue of Liberty). Burton worked to hard to make the apes look real than focusing on a good story.

The trick to a good remake is to make a good movie, regardless of the source material. Remakes fail in the same vein as movies based on beloved books. People will always say the book was better or the original was better. If a director truly feels he or she can take the original movie and improve upon it, then go ahead. Just try to avoid making the mistakes of some the worst remakes of all time. I have compiled a short list of them in no particular order (these do not include movies based on television shows like this summer's Bewitched and Dukes of Hazzard):

1. Godzilla - not that the original or any of its hundreds of sequels and spinoffs were pure gold, but this was one immense POS.
2. Rollerball - I am a huge fan of the original with James Caan. The remake was inexcusable. John McTiernan makes Die Hard and then this, whatever it was. At least LL Cool J was cool as his name indicates.
3. Swept Away - This is the main reason why I despise Madonna (at least one of them anyway). Guy Ritchie directed cinematic brilliance in Lock Stock & 2 Smoking Barrels and Snatch. Then he marries Madonna and hasn't done anything since. Its a darn shame too.
4. Texas Chainsaw Massacre - I am not a horror fan. I wasn't a big fan of the original. The only redeeming quality of this movie was the wet tanktop Jessica Biel was wearing throughout.
5. The Ladykillers - Tom Hanks, the Coen brothers, great movie? NOPE. I will sit through some of the worst movies because I am a firm believer in finding redeeming qualities, but I shut this crap off somewhere in the middle and couldn't wait to return it to Blockbuster. Thankfully, I didn't spend on money on this movie in particular as I rented it while I had one of those unlimited rental plans a few months back.
6. The Lohan-Disney partnership - Parent Trap and Freaky Friday and probably Herbie Fully Loaded if I ever see it. These three movies share one thing in common: completely unnecessary.

A few of the remakes I have enjoyed more than their predecessors: Ocean's Eleven, Scarface, Longest Yard, and the Italian Job.

Let us all bow are heads in prayer that Peter Jackson will due justice to King Kong when it arrives in theaters this December.